Malone

By the time 1987 rolled around Burt Reynolds was already a huge star and his star was starting it's first slight decline. With that in mind let me go right in to my favorite fucking part about Malone. Burt Reynolds does not GIVE A FUCK! He delivers each line with such disdain for the material that you'd think they were raping him in between scenes and feeding him shit sandwiches from the Kraft services table. Hell, they might have been. Each syllable it read with such pure hate that Reynolds accidentally sounds like a badass in this. I mean this is the guy who played Stroker Ace, he already had three SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT films under his belt. It makes sense he wouldn't care, fuck I DON'T CARE!

Does not care

Malone is the story of a hitman who loses his edge and decides to run from his past. His car, looks like a leftover from the BANDIT films, breaks down in some shitbox hick town. Apparently this is the single greatest event to ever happen in this town because every single fucking person in the town wants to meet Malone. The writers must have thought the name “Malone” was the greatest name since Jesus Fucking Christ because they force poor Burt to say it no less then 400 times(might be a slight exaggeration). Malone says his name so many times in this film that it's actually forcing me to write Malone's name over and over! I CAN'T STOP

MALONE!

Does not care!

MALONE!

Does not care!!

MALONE!

DOES NOT CARE!!!

MALONE!

DOES NOT FUCKING CARE!!!!

MALONE!

DOOOOEEESSS NNOOOTTT CCCAAAAAARREEEEE!!!!!!!

GOD HELP ME!

GAAAHHH! Now THIS guy cares!

So as you probably guessed already by this point, because despite it being an awesome movie it is a very paint-by-numbers action film, the people Malone work for send some more hitmen to go find him.   A pair of wise guys who Malone dispatches with relative ease and a Woman who Malone “takes out.” That is to say, she falls in love with him. All the while the Daughter of the garage owner is falling in love with Malone, she looks 16, Malone, 47. That's not everything though, in the meantime there's a rich super patriot (read: Xenophobe) who's buying up all the land in the town. The uber rich Delaney (Cliff Robertson) wants to turn this little town into ground zero for the patriot revolution. Malone, reluctant at first, finally takes up arms and, in what could be called the closest thing to emotion, takes out the ENTIRE compound! I would never dream of giving away all of the secrets of the ending, but my guess is you've got it all figured out already.

Malone is a blast to watch, Burt's “acting” alone warrants this...

4 Deadpan Malones out of 5