Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Twin Sitters

Twin Sitters

In a film filled with insane outfits, this one wins first prize

The Anabolically enhanced Paul twins are back again in yet another excuse to make muscle jokes. These guys just get bigger and bigger each time we see them. When we first saw them in the Barbarian Brothers they looked downright svelte compared to in this flick. Though to give them some credit, if you’ve seen pictures of them recently they have gone back to more realistic proportions.

Pictured: unrealistic

This time around they play a couple of bumbling waiters (with either the single worst or single greatest fashion sense depending on how you regard the early 90’s) looking to start up their own restaurant. The bank refuses them a loan because they have nothing but the muscles on their backs for collateral. By chance they wind up in a park serving up their “equity” to the homeless at the same time a business man is meeting with a government agent to turn state’s evidence on a man who was using his trucks to dump toxic waste into the sewer system of L.A. (not sure how they ever noticed). It’s a good thing too because the baddie (Stromm played by the single worst James Bond ever, George Lazenby) hired hitmen to find him and take him out. The dim witted, unarmed twins take these guys out like it was a walk in the park (ugh…sorry).

Really Lazenby?

The man is so thankful that he asks the twins to play babysitter to his nephews. There’s a reason why he thinks Peter and David will work well as their caretakers. See his nephews (spoiler alert) ARE TWINS! To guarantee the twins services he offers them $2500 a day each for a weeks worth of work. In what’s likely to be the least believable scene in the film the guys quickly do the math to determine that it’ll mean $35,000 for their services. They take the job!

Hmmm, What vehicle could possibly have this insane vanity plate?

Subtle guys, real subtle

The entire movie came be summed up in three words: muscles, food and twins. Every joke, every premise, even every action scene boils down to one or more of these things. It gets old kinda quick, but thankfully the Paul brothers have a certain charm that makes getting through this half-baked shit pile not nearly as painful as it could have been. In the end (because this is technically a family film) everything works out and the bad guy gets his. The many sets of twins and one set of triplets all wind up at the new restaurant at the end and thereis much rejoicing (yay yay). Seriously though, Twin sitters is yet another example of why a man named Paragon needs to look up the definition of the word before he tries to exemplify it. If you liked the other Barbarian Brothers films watch twin sitters because frankly it’s pretty much the same thing, if you didn’t…don’t wasteyour time.

This has to set some kind of twin record, four sets in the same shot

Ahh triplets, I knew something was missing
6 out of 10
Drink up…I’ve got movies to watch!
- Moe

P.S. This was the first review I’ve done so far where I personally supplied every single screen grab. I’m talking to field of crap cinema reviews to the next stage in crap cinema review technology HA!

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