Stone Cold

Nope...

*sigh* No...

YES!
Stone Cold

The BOZ, football “superstar” turned actor turned walking punch line. The bemulleted tough guy stars in the, much funnier than I remember, Stone Cold. I’m surprised the mullet didn’t get it’s own billing; it’s almost as much of a character as Bosworth is. Joe Huff is your typical rogue cop (on the edge) currently on suspension for some unnamed offense; he finds himself at the right place at the right time and stops a robbery. Somehow because of this the FBI wants him to go undercover in a local biker gang and if he refuses he’ll find his suspension extended to six months without pay (because all very legal right?)

Joe (ne John Stone) figures the easiest way to get into the gang is to start showing up and beating people up. Boz literally spends 85% of this flick punching dudes in the face or shooting them or stabbing them. The gang he’s trying to bust into is called the brotherhood. They’re a ragtag bunch of nazi (though not skinhead) scum with some of the most ridiculous names ever put to film; chains, gut, hooter, one-eye, ice and about a dozen others. I’m surprised they managed to finish this thing without laughing in every scene.


The Boz

The gang’s leader is chains (Lance Henriksen, remember that name, you’ll be hearing it a lot around these parts), his right hand man is Ice (William Forsythe, who always delivers A+ performances). Stone, after seemingly very little effort, gets invited into the brotherhood and before long is in deep with these bastards. For the next 20 minutes it’s Bosworth beating up guys and running missions for the brotherhood, but before long Ice gets hip to the “pretty boy” stone and stone has to take him out. Despite his best efforts to keep himself in deep cover one fatal mistake from his initiation comes back to bite him in the ass.


Gratuitous shot of puppet Kim Jong Il?

Stone cold’s climax has Bosworth’s mullet taking out the gang members one at a time while he sits in the corner eating a Popsicle. Every baddie gets their just desserts and we all live happily ever after, except the couple dozen guys who died in the process. Arguably Stone Cold is one of Bosworth’s best and is a must see for fans of the nazi biker undercover cop genre. Alone or with friends, a good time will be had.


(Pictured: the star of the film, I meant the mullet)

7 out of 10