Rhinestone

Rhinestone

“Budweiser you created a monster and they call me Drinkenstein”

In the annals of history every now and again there comes a film so bad it earns the distinction of being “the worst movie ever made”. Rhinestone is one of these films, but I think with time comes appreciation. Upon watching Rhinestone for a second time nearly seventeen years after the first time I saw it I have to admit, It was a lot of fun. Then again I do have a bit of an affinity for the shitty crap cinema you’ve come to expect from me here.


How could anyone consider THESE bad?

Jake (Dolly Parton, size 40 DD) is a country girl working in a New York honkey tonk (disco?) called the Rhinestone. Her sleaze ball boss Freddie (Ron Leibman) wants her in the sack and she wants out of her deliberately shitbox contract. To this end she proposes a wager; he can pick one normal average New Yorker (I didn’t realize they existed…I kid New York! I kid!) and give her two weeks and she can make him a country music singer. It’s an inspired plot stolen many times over by shitty rom com after shitty rom com, take one person and make them different. Though usually it involves taking the uncool girl and making her the “prom queen”.


The Direction on this film basically went like this "Hey Dolly, more profile please"

Enter Nick, (Stallone post not one, but TWO rocky movies) a NYC cabbie with little appreciation for country music (it’s “worse than liver”). Jake spirits him away down to Tennessee where he gets a crash course in country, She teaches him to walk, talk, “dance”, sing and perform. Stallone looks so out of place on a country stage (even during the big closing scene where he supposedly wins over the crowd) it’s 90% of the unintentional comedy. All the music is written by Dolly Parton so at least you know that’s not going to be awful, just the butchering Stallone does to it.


Hmmm, notice a trend with these pictures?

So come for the country, stay for the “comedy” and enjoy Tim Thomerson’s excellent performance as Barnett Kale, Jake’s ex. It’s a “laugh riot”?


You can make it black and white, but it doesn't make it classy

7 out of 10

Inglourious Basterds - Spelling aside

There is no way for me to tell you just about anything about inglorious basterds without throwing two dozen spoilers in the review, there just isn't. So i propose this, I will tell you something small and forgivable and you can use this to decide if you still want to see this movie. You ready? here it comes....Inglorious basterds is not the movie that the trailers make it out to be. Sorry to all you folk out there thinking that this is a movie filled with action and snappy one liners designed to put as much gore on screen as thought possible (a la kill bill's crazy 88 scene). Yeah, this movie actually has a storyline and good dialog between characters you grow to care about as the movie progresses. Oh and the acting, oh the acting,the titular basterds (a group of jewish american soldiers) are Brad Pitt as Lt Aldo "the apache" Raine he is a breathe of fresh air and even director Eli Roth gets in on the action as "the bear jew" a character so menacing to the germans that they spread rumors that he's actually a golem. Til Schweiger as Sgt Hugo Stiglitz, who's character probably has the best introduction in the film as well as the best back story. B.J Novak of the office fame plays Pfc. Smithson Utivich, known as the little man to the germans, it's quipped by Christophe Waltz playing the scene stealing Col. Hans Landa "you're actually much taller than i expected you, the soldiers made you out to be a circus midget". Speaking of Christophe Waltz, he alone is worth the price of admission, He is in every important scene in the movie from the very first scene hunting down jews who are hiding to the final scene in the film where he has a memorable scene with Aldo Raine.

So like i said, this movie is not at all what one would be expecting from the trailers. I will admit i was amped for an action movie going into the theater, but was pleasantly surprised by what was laid out in front of me over the following two and a half hours. Tarentino weaves a story in chapters like a book, never leaving any one section too far in the dark before returning. The trailer also makes you think this movie is all about a bloodthirsty team of nazi killers behind enemy lines, when in actuality the trailer is almost entirely cut from scenes from the second chapter in the movie, which is entirely about them. They do play a major part throughout the film, but the movie is mainly split between three main story arcs. The Basterds, which obviously focuses on the exploits of the titular group. The Nazis, or more specifically one nazi Hans Landa and his ever present investigations into the basterds and lastly Frederick and Shosanna. Frederick is a nazi soldier and bit of a big time war hero and he's infatuated with a girl named Emmanuel, who is actually a jew in hiding named shosanna whom we meet at the beginning of the film escaping the nazis. the three storylines do eventually converge onto a single playing field at the end of the movie and it is quite and interesting climax for a movie already chock full of interesting tid bits. I won't give anything away, but I will say that Tarentino did rewrite history on this one.

One of the major drawbacks to this movie and really the only thing i didn't particularly like about it was it's length, but 99% of the movie was needed so i don't really see too many places where he could have trimmed down the 2 1/2 hour run time. The movie isn't by any means boring, but by the end you will be looking at your clock wondering how much longer have you got to go. Also i would say this is a movie for people who like Tarentino and hold similar tastes in films that he has because this was obviously designed for people who are into that style of warsploitation film and anyone who isn't will probably be turned off by the gore or the verbose dialog that QT is known for. My one other complaint is this and it's not even about this particular movie. Hey, Quentin can we maybe take a step back to the old you. The one who used to make edgy movies with edgy dialog and action and stop with these tongue in cheek homages to your childhood? We get that you have a lot of money now and you can make whatever you want, but I think it's either time to move on to your next phase or take a step back and return to your early style of filmmaking. I mean inglorious basterds was great, but maybe it's time for something new? 5 out of 5

(As a side note: I did return to see this movie a second time and it actually managed to get better uopn a second viewing. I truly believe this is Tarentino's masterpiece and if Chrsitoph Waltz doesn't wind up with at least a nod for best supporting actor i will be disappointed)