Forced Vengeance

“Fast, Hard, and Dangerous...Hong Kong is like a slap in the face that feels good.”

Long before Chuck Norris became a once funny, then not funny, then funny again and finally not funny internet MEME he was a joke. But before he was a joke he kicked all sorts of ass. Norris had a pretty decent run with movies like MISSING IN ACTION, INVASION U.S.A., TOP DOG, SIDEKICKS (ok maybe not those last 2). Before those, however, was Forced Vengeance. An oft forgotten gem of Chucks early career and I would argue one of his best films. Regardless of his character having one of the pussiest names ever.

Won't say that to his face though

Chuck plays Josh Randall, family friend and “crisis management” negotiator (read: face puncher and roundhouse kick delivery system) for a small Casino owner in Hong Kong. The film opens with an excuse for a fight, Josh is sent to L.A. To punch a dude in the face till he pays him the money owed. In return for their hospitaliano, Josh winds up hospitalizing the rest of the man's crew as well. I'm fairly certain he cripples a man with a kick to the balls. Once home in the good old U.S...er, China, Josh winds up in the middle of a hostile takeover attempt from another casino. His boss and his boss' son, Sam and Dave (no not THAT Sam and Dave) are brutally murdered after they reject the offer and it's up to old red stache to deal with the situation.

That's really about as deep as the story goes. Forced Vengeance is basically a 106 min excuse to show Chuck do what Chuck does best, no not acting! Norris delivers a myriad of punches and kicks throughout the movie's 12 or 13 fight scenes. The action never lets up either, normally in a movie like this it suffers from the mid movie lulls, but Forced Vengeance delivers face punch after beautiful face punch until the end. And when I say to the end, I mean even over the credits which goes back and edits together all the best devastating punches and so brutal they should be illegal kicks and puts them in slo mo!

he wears the FUCK out of those shades

One of my favorite aspects of the movie is that Josh is not a superman. He gets hurt several times, gets caught unaware and even comes dangerously close to being put out. This gritty realism makes the fight scenes all the more brutal when Chuck wraps a rope around a man's neck and tosses him off the second floor of a ship only to have his head cave in on the side of the boat leaving a horrifying, yet cathartic red smear on the side. Josh also fails a lot in the movie. He fails to protect his friend Lee, a lovable sassy black man and his wife who is brutally raped and Lee is forced to lie there with a broken back and watch. Another fight scene that immediately comes to mind is an amazing ¾ speed fight that takes place in front of a giant red neon sign. The sign is behind them as they fight and the roundhouse kick ballet that goes on for the way too brief scene is shown in silhouette and it's just gorgeous.

The movie is not without it's humorous moments too. Chuck is just like any actioner, he quips one liners then punches you in the face, but I think my favorite unintentionally funny moment of the film is when he goes to visit a stripper who once worked for the baddie and in the background there's playing an Asian instrumental version of SUPERFREAK by Rick James. It's pure hilarity, I quite literally fell out of my chair the first time I heard it and that's not an easy feat. It's the perfect accentuation to an already completely ludicrous scene. Chuck brings the stripper/hooker up to her room. It's as clear as the waters of lake minnetonka that he's not interested in sex and she's getting herself read to BANG HIM!

Bras optional (thank goodness)

So if you like older Chuck Norris films and really, who doesn't?! You'd be doing yourself a disservice not to watch Forced Vengeance. With a climax you have to see to believe you better run out and find this one. Or if you want come on over my place and we'll watch and laugh together! This is a great movie for friends and booze!

5 fists of brutal fury out of 5

Drink up! We've got movies to watch
Moe

Invasion USA!

Invasion U.S.A.


Even the title screen is BADASS

Two words come to mind after finishing Invasion U.S.A. (which I had the pleasure of watching on the big screen at the local multiplex) HOLY SHIT! I will admit that for a long time I questioned why Chuck Norris is as famous as he is. It became abundantly clear after this film. Clearly this is the apex of Norris’ Career and what a great spot to peak.

I realize tonight that there are two Chuck Norris archetypes. There’s the shitty karate Chuck; the Chuck that kicks and punches (badly) his way through waves of foes and tries to look effortless. This is the Chuck Norris that solidifies my disgust with him and made me ponder his fame on many a lonely evening. Punchy/Kicky Chuck is boring, he still can manage some hilarious one-liners, but they seem flat. They lack the one thing that this Chuck can’t really give us. Splosions!


"If you come back in here—I’m gonna hit you with so many rights, you’re gonna beg for a left" - Badass

The OTHER Chuck is the Shooty/Kabooom Chuck; I’m actually in love with this Chuck Norris. He evokes feelings in me that run very deep. What can I say; I’m a sucker for KABLAMOs. In Invasion U.S.A. KABLAMO Chuck is in full force. I’d say 90% of this flick is things blowing up and people getting shot. Not all of it by Chuck himself, but deep down I’d like to think he’s the reason behinds all of them.

The shell of a story they set up to kill time between ‘Splosions is about the Russians fronted by Richard Lynch (Blog of Thunder regular) invading the U.S.A. It’s a pretty literal title. Chuck Norris plays a “best of the best of the best” military type who’s gotten out of the game until he finds out that his arch nemesis is behind the shenanigans. Chuck spends a good part of the beginning in a swamp rasslin gators and ridin an airboat, but when Blade from the puppet master movies (Lynch) blows up his friend John Eagle Hunter (which is Norris’ name, by the way) goes ape shit and basically takes it on himself to rid the world of these Ruskies. He does a bang up job (pun intended).


Lynch doesn't like puns, or Hunter

Invasion U.S.A. is wall-to-wall action, there are shootouts, car chases, Splosions and a plethora of other stimuli to keep our ADD riddled brains sucked in. It’s easily Chuck Norris’ best film and should be avoided at all costs if you’re a beginner to Chuck Norris films. If you watch this one first you will be nothing but disappointed by any of his other films. Watch his shit first, spend some pensive nights contemplating his fame and then watch this and have your question answers. Watching Invasion U.S.A. first is the cinematic equivalent of blowing your load upon shaking hands with a hot chick. And no girl likes a premature ejaculator!


Chuck Norris never prematurely ejaculates, whenever he ejaculates is the time he MEANT to!

10 out of fucking 10!! (my life has been changed by this film!)


P.S. KABLAMO!