Sharktopus



Quality!

A few thoughts run through my mind as I stare wide eyed at the credits that roll in front of me. I think to myself, is this real? And also...IS THIS FUCKING REAL?! Did I really just watch a movie about a top secret government funded super weapon where they created a half shark/half octopus where the biggest celebs involved are Eric Roberts and the guy who played the sidekick in Nacho Libre? But as I reflect upon my last 2 hours it slowly dawns on me that everything I just saw was 100% real. I'm afraid i may be damaged for life.

Sharktopus is one of those movies that shouldn't even be allowed to be reviewed. It's almost too easy to write something up on it. The idea is so outlandish that just writing a basic plot summary is enough to garner a few laughs and if you didn't laugh at that first paragraph...well then I have bad news for you, you have no soul. Syfy really went all out to bring you this film too. They hired legendary cult film producer Roger Corman who I'm sure jumped on it as soon as he read the one sheet. The problem is that in hiring Corman they had to cut the budget for special FX and rehearsals, but not for moderately hot chicks. The film is chock full of those bouncing around in their ill fitting bikinis and butter faces. Even the female lead, who was the hottest chick in this thing, looked like one of those girls from those high school comedies where they give the ugly girl a makeover which consists of taking off her glasses and POOF she's hot. The only problem is that she looked better with the glasses. It's kinda sad, but the guys looked better (no homo? Is that the right usage of that?).

This is the hot one

OK so the “film” opens up with the Blue Water corporation running some final tests on a new weapon. They helpfully save a girl's life who's about to be eaten by a sharktopus minus the “opus”. Of course there's some military stuffed shirt there demanding more real life scenarios be done with the sharktopus. Despite their protests that it still needed some testing they follow his orders to sneak up and follow a speedboat undetected. This is when the boat veers in front of the creature knocking out it's controlling implants and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!



OH NOES!!!

Basically the rest of the film is an excuse to show half naked women doing inane things and then dying at the tentacle spikes of the SHARKTOPUS!! Every death is more ridiculous than the last and ultimately they even go so far as to imply that they're about to kill a little boy, but they let him live. Sadly the “stars” involved can't say the same as Roberts is given the single most gruesome death in the movie and “Esqueleto” gets killed off screen. Guess they must have run out of money by that point?

There's nothing really all that redeeming about the movie except for the overall insanity factor. If seeing a film about a half shark/half octopus walk up on land to kill things then I have some good news. You'll most likely love this! If your taste is a little more discerning than mine well maybe you should skip this one. Checking on the Syfy website I see the next time Sharktopus is on is in November so if you really wanna see it, you better check your local listing to find out exactly when it'll be on. This is a great flick to get hammered at poke fun at with some friends OR if you're insane you can watch it alone and sober. Either way I suspect you'll have fun. Just like I did!

Sharktopus calls out to be seen by the masses. Even with all it's flaws it's an amazing event!

3.5 out of 5

Drink up, I've got movies to watch!
- Moe