I was a teenage TV terrorist – from the Cinemasochist files

Look Troma I love you, I really do. You've given me some of the happiest moments of my life and garnered an appreciation for sleaze in me like no one else. I've experienced things with you that I would never have been able to experience with anyone else. It's with this that I have a certain level of expectation when I pop in a Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Hertz production. Sadly when I was done with I was a Teenage TV Terrorist I was so disappointed and upset I debated about ending my long standing love affair with you, but I can't quit you you big dumb animal!

SWOON!

I was a teenage TV terrorist starts in a cozy little 'burb where Paul is a two bit no goodnik and his gal Friday, Donna is an actress. The piece of shit gets in trouble and is shipped off to his father in the big city. He takes Donna along for the ride. Pops, not wanting to show nepotism, puts Paul in the lowest paying job there is at his 9th rate local cable channel. Soon  enough Paul is stealing from them and before long gets caught. This whole waste of a subplot leads to Paul and Donna becoming disillusioned with the “system” and decide to become “media terrorists”. This idea had so much potential for funny hijinks and crazy explosion FX, but instead they decide to use it as a forum to talk about their dislike of the pablum that modern TV had become.

The faces of terrorism

While I agree with the sentiment and can understand why Troma would put this out, it has a lot in common with Troma's ideology in regards to free speech and originality. This movie fails on so many other levels that the good aspects are lost in a sludge of shit and painful head bashing (with a hammer I found in the garbage, thank you). There's absolutely nothing else I want to tell you about this movie. So if you've ever been tempted to see this steamy pile, just sit back and enjoy the box art because that is significantly more interesting (and highly misleading might I add). Avoid this like the plague and if you must watch a Troma movie, but don't want to watch the obvious choices, watch Club Life, Killer Condom, Blood Hook or Hollywood Zap...all enjoyable.

1 groan inducing act of TV terrorism out of 5

Drink up, We've got GOOD movies to watch
Moe

Buttcrack - Say No to Crack

Buttcrack

"We're all zombies...in the end" - brilliant tagline!

Wade is the roommate we’ve all had at some point or another. Utterly lacking in self-awareness (and belts). He’s always singing and plays Atari (not that that’s a bad thing) all day. He’s obnoxious, has an irritating voice and best (read: worst) of all, his Buttcrack is constantly hanging out.

Brian just wants his life back; he’s been suffering with Wade since the beginning of school and wants him gone so he can marry his girlfriend. By some freak chance, Brian is arguing with Wade one day about his lunar exposure and Wade decides to take a bath after slipping on some vomit and blasts his music. Brian confronts Wade about his music and the radio accidentally falls into the tub killing Wade and his ever-northern creeping crevice.


Aren't you happy I keep it so classy here?

The problem is, Buttcrack has a Voodoo priestess of a sister, who really just looks like an angry low budget Goth (which is what she is). She figures the best way for him to get his revenge is to bring him back as a zombie. Of course there’s an odd condition to it, someone has to say the word Buttcrack 12 times in one breath. Needless to say, because it wouldn’t be much of a movie if someone didn’t, it happens and he comes back. Now it’s up to Brian, his girlfriend, his best friend and preacher man Bob (played over the top by Mojo Nixon)to stop him, if they can.


“God…is in my shoes, he’s in my pants, he’s making me do a little dance” – Preacher man Bob

Buttcrack is the non-zombie zombie film. It’s a ridiculous comedy about a man brought back from the dead to get his revenge, but couldn’t care less about it. Thankfully for us Troma (if you don’t know who Troma is, shame on you) has a very specific taste in comedy and for the most part their movies are pretty hilarious. In a gross out or juvenile sort of way, Just how I like it! Beside the music by Mojo Nixon, the best part about this movie is that Wade can turn people into the undead when they look at his Buttcrack. It’s really crazy and I think this movie isn’t for everyone but those of you with an insane sense of humor or are a fan of Troma will probably enjoy this. Now I must be off, I've got to "churn the milk and make it butter" as Buttcrack would say.

7 out of 10

You've got to give Buttcrack some credit, it predicted the saggy pants trend and the exposed buttcrack trend well before 14 year old girls were paying $90 a pair for jeans that sat too low and had their asses hanging out. Good job Buttcrack, you trendsetter!