My Year in Disturbing Film: Week 16 - Bring on the Puppet Gore!

A quick note about last week: I know I was supposed to post a reiew for audition, but I didn't have internet for the majority of the week last week. I was unable to watch the film so I've decided to bypass it and will probably post a regular review for it within the coming weeks. Sorry about that....

My year in disturbing film is my weekly column where I devote a few paragraphs to the most fucked up films ever made. Each week I plan on subjecting myself to the most horrific and mentally damaging imagery my mind can handle. I can't promise you this won't be the week I wind up in the hospital...

HERE is a reminder about my rating system for these films

Hmmm so what torment is in store for me this week...

Meet the Feebles

What is the movie about?

To the untrained ear Meet the Feebles may seem like a normal, yet slightly twisted take on the puppet movie. It’s a film about a variety show with an all puppet cast. Within minutes though you’re well aware that there’s something terribly wrong with this flick.

Is the film disturbing?

Oh god yes. The thing Peter Jackson (yes that Peter Jackson, he had quite an interesting early career) forces these puppets to do is beyond fucked up. The disturbing factor is turned up a few notches in that this whole thing from the outside could pass for a kid’s film. In fact I’ve never seen this in a video store without a ton of stickers proclaiming it “adults only”.

NOT kid's fare

Where does one start with the fucked up shit going on in this thing? You’ve got a host (rabbit) who develops an STD and think he’s got AIDS. A manager (walrus) who fucks anything he can while trying to maintain a relationship with the star of the show. Speaking of the star (hippo), she’s a binge/purge eater who’s obsessed with body image and eventually goes insane and takes out a large portion of the cast/crew with machine gun fire. Puppet gore is really something you never quite get over.

Before

After!

So continuing with the cavalcade, we’ve got a knife thrower (lizard) who’s a Vietnam vet who has frequent flashbacks and is a heavy drug user, he also murders his first assistant accidentally during a DT fit. There’s a sleazy stage manager (rat) who makes porno in the basement and has to recruit a local panty sniffer (who winds up dying of poisoning when he sniffs borax he thinks is cocaine) to fill in for the cockroach who dies when accidentally sat on by a submissive cow. Is any of this sinking in? I’m starting to think I’m already insane and I’m not even done describing the principal cast.

Not the only hole in one that day (the others involve many many rounds of ammunition

There’s a tabloid news reporter (fly) who spends the entire movie trying to cover the story on the rabbit and has a more than memorable scene involving a toilet and the solid deposits that tend to occupy one. A slime ball (bulldog) stage performer/bouncer who helps the walrus do drug deals with a Scottish warthog. A fakir (surprisingly a human) who winds up getting his head stuck up his ass and gets it out in time to die from his bed of nails falling right on him. The director (a very gay fox) who’s a pompous jerk and the rest of the cast who consist mostly of bit characters in the chorus and a hedgehog and poodle couple who make up the romantic side story.

Ok fine, this isn't part of the movie

Meet the feebles is fucked on many levels and will probably make you curl up in a little ball and rock in the corner till your mother comes and tells you everything will be ok. Seeing as I’m 30 and no longer live with mommy…I’m in trouble. Well I’m off to go rock for a while, watch Meet the Feebles at your own risk A great film, if you’re into this sort of crazy shit…which I am!

Huh?

5 out of 5

Disturbitude 9, Holy Christ is it ever deserving of this

My Year in Distrubing Film: week 12 - Happy Happy Joy Joy

My year in disturbing film is my weekly column where I devote a few paragraphs to the most fucked up films ever made. Each week I plan on subjecting myself to the most horrific and mentally damaging imagery my mind can handle. I can't promise you this won't be the week I wind up in the hospital...

HERE is a reminder about my rating system for these films

Hmmm so what torment is in store for me this week...

Happiness – The story of one fucked up family

What is the movie about?
Happiness is a long and kind of complicated story. Todd Solondz is notorious for doing this and it’s most apparent in Happiness. The film revolves mostly around one family, the Jordans, it also revolves are each member’s immediate family and a few connected characters. The web this film weaves is intricate and somehow everyone is connected. It’s a story of love (for underage boys), hate and frank discussions between a father and his son.

Is the film disturbing?
Happiness has what can only be described as the greatest opening scene in the history of film. Jon Lovitz (yes, THAT Jon Lovitz) plays Andy and his girlfriend has just dumped him. Who’s his girlfriend you ask? Joy Jordan. It’s unclear why she’s breaking up with him, but it leads up to one of the greatest rants ever filmed. ”You think I’m shit” Andy says “but I’m champagne, you’re shit and you will always be shit” it’s seriously the best performance I’ve ever seen Lovitz perform as well as a great way to start off a film about happiness or more appropriately, the lack thereof.


Finally

Allen (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is a loser who tells his shrink how he wants to fuck a woman who lives in his building till cum spurts out her mouth. We find out that this woman is Helen Jordan (Lara Flynn Boyle). Allen is such a loser that his shrink is writing up a grocery list in his head while he talks. Allen makes prank phone calls for fun. He masturbates while he talks to the woman and then shoots his load on the wall and uses it to stick a postcard to the wall (yeah classy fellow). One of the women he happens to prank is one Joy Jordan, she inanely chatters on thinking it’s a man her sister (Helen) had told to call her. Joy is a little slow on the uptake, but we’ll forgive her. She only figures out that Allen is pranking her when he starts asking her about her underpants and when she does figure it out he asks her is her pussy is wet and then cums.


Do you have prince albert in a can? Oh that's so hot!

It’s at this point when we’re introduced to Trish; she’s the middle sister of the family (though that’s never confirmed, she just seems like the middle sister to me). She’s trying to convince Joy to eat red meat for some reason. Seemingly out of nowhere we see the shrink from the beginning walking through a park shooting people with an assault rifle. We discover that this is Bill (Dylan Baker) and he’s discussing a recurring dream he has with his shrink. Only this time he says he’s happy at the end of the dream because he didn’t kill himself at the end of the dream. I’ve always said that mental health providers are more screwed up than their patients. We then learn that he’s Trish’s husband and that the two of them never have sex. We’re immediately treated to the why in that situation when Bill stops at a drug store and picks up a teenybopper magazine and jerks it in the back seat of his car to the pictures (of young boys).

Billy is Bill’s son and he’s depressed, Billy has some of the most fucked up dialog in the film, he also has some of the hardest scenes to watch. It’s a testament to the actor Rufus Read who played the character. You see, Billy is an eleven-year-old boy so Rufus must have been similar in age when he played him. Billy is upset because he’s the only boy in his class who hasn’t come yet. Of course he has to ask his dad what “cum” is (in the first of a series of frank, open, honest, and downright disturbing conversations the boy has with his dad).


So son, any of your friends get boners today? did you get pictures?

We’re next introduced to Mona and Lenny, the mother and father Jordan (Louise Lasser and Ben Gazzara) Lenny wants to separate from Mona. Mona and Lenny are the closest thing to “normal” in this film. They fight like and old couple, but frankly Mona’s just a sad sight and Lenny has become emotionless in his old age. Helen Jordan is a successful writer, it’s at this point where we finally learn that she’s one of the Jordans, she bemoans about having to give interviews. Basically she’s a pretty standard bitch.

Kristina (Camryn Manheim) is interested in Allen, you can tell immediately. She tells him about how the night doorman had been murdered and how they were collecting for the funeral. She mentions that his penis was cut off, which of course illicits the only correct response of “ugh” and then as a tasty follow up asks Allen if he wants to go to the playoffs with her, he turns her down. Remember Andy from the beginning? No? That’s ok no one he worked with remembered him either. Well he killed himself and the police call Joy to let her know. They said he left a note, but never read it. It’s too bad really. I bet it was interesting. This throws Joy into a funk and she decides to start working with refugees, teaching them English. It’s here that she meets Vlad, but more on him later.

Billy plays on his local baseball team and Bill cheers him on. Johnny is one of Billy teammates and when he goes up to bat Bill is smitten. It’s these little moments like when Bill longingly stares at Johnny that is a good chunk of why this movie is so screwed up. Johnny asks if he can sleep over and his father says it’s all right. Actually it’s more like “what the fuck do I care?” he’s only worried about Johnny being gay. Johnny is “a little girlie” as Billy describes it.


It's ok Johnny, I just have to stop at the store for some lube..er, I mean ice cream, yeah ice cream

There’s so much more insane disturbing shit that happens in this film that I’ll give you the cliff notes edition. We find out that Kristina killed the night door man after he raped her (have you noticed a trend yet? How many of these films deal with rape?). Speaking of rape Bill rapes Johnny after drugging him and then later rapes another boy from Billy’s school who claimed to have an eleven-inch penis. Vlad fucks Joy and then steals a bunch of her things, when she gets them back it’s only because he convinces her to give him money.


Joy Jordan, picker of great guys since 1976

Billy and his dad discuss penis size and masturbation, in depth. They also discuss, this is the hardest scene in the film to watch, how the father raped the boys and Billy asks if he would ever rape him. Thankfully he says no, but the follow up doesn’t make it any better “I would just jerk off”. Helen and Allen do finally get together for about a minute after he calls her and tells her he’s going to rape her, but he’s not her type so nothing happens.


"You're not my type"

Last, but certainly not least, Billy finally cums while yanking it on the balcony to his grandparent’s house staring at hot girls sunbathing. Oh and then he announces to his family that he came. The movie delves into just about every disturbing subject you can think of (though not in a Salo sort of way) and the only person who ends the movie happy is Billy. Good for you young man, good for you!


Hey son, I hear you came...did you save it?

Happiness is so fucked up in so many ways. It’s one of those films I think everyone should see once, just to see if it messes him or her up mentally. It’s not a shocking film at all, but manages the most frank discussions of fucked up issues I’ve ever seen on film. This was my fourth time watching it and loved it just as much this time as I did the first (which was in 1998 when I saw it in the theater, imagine seeing this with an audience?). One of my favorite aspects of the film is the discussion of how no one knows the real you, but as soon as you meet a person who does (most notably in the case of Allen and Helen) you realize that they’re not you’re type or that you don’t get them. It’s a pretty amazing film.

5 Graphic Cum shots out of 5

Disturbitude: 8, we’re talking about two plus hours of disturbing situations thrown at you. If anyone could put you in therapy, it’s Todd Solondz.

Next Up. Pi – you’d be better off without a piece of this one.

P.S. there are actually TWO graphic cum shots in this film. One of them is from Billy at the end of the film which also happens to be the most disgusting one because the dog licks it up off the railing and then runs into the house and Trish gives the dog a big kiss on the mouth. Try to get that image out of your head.

My Year in Disturbing Film: Week 8 - Already?

My year in disturbing film is my weekly column where I devote a few paragraphs to the most fucked up films ever made. Each week I plan on subjecting myself to the most horrific and mentally damaging imagery my mind can handle. I can't promise you this won't be the week I wind up in the hospital...

HERE is a reminder about my rating system for these films

Let's see what we pull out of our bag o'tricks this week...

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer – Unrepentant

What is the movie about?
Henry takes a very minimalist approach to its filmmaking. The main cast is only three or four people and several extras playing corpses. Henry (Michael Rooker) is a serial killer, as the name implies. He has a system for not getting caught. We’re introduced to his work very early in the film and essentially the entire film is Henry living life as a serial killer. He makes a few personal relationships that all go to hell. It’s one of the few movies I’ve ever seen where only one person survives the entire thing. I’ll leave it to you to find out who.

Was the film disturbing?
There isn’t much to Henry: Portrait of a serial killer so this will be a pretty short write up. Yes, Henry is a very disturbing film. Not in the traditional sense though. It’s disturbing in the sense that it gives you an unprecedented view into the mind of a serial killer. Henry tries to make friends, he even tries to take one under his wing and make him like Henry. That man’s name is Otis. Otis in many ways is more insane that Henry, this is one of the reasons why Henry is so disturbing. It shows one man murdering for no discernable reason with no remorse and no conscience.



Let’s get back to Otis for a second. Otis is the character in Henry that you will cheer when he dies. He is scum and aside from his awesome hat there are no redeemable qualities to the man. The scenes where Henry is trying to bring Otis into the fold are the most disturbing. Otis and Henry attack a family in their home and videotape it. They kill the family; But Otis isn’t just interested in murder like Henry. He wants a piece of the action and he doesn’t care who it’s from. It takes Henry pulling him off to stop Otis from having himself a little necrophilia party. Otis also on several occasions tries to kiss, touch and eventually rape his sister, the latter being the scene of his eventual demise. Otis is the most terrifying character in the film because he shows us true human nature. Henry doesn’t suffer from this because the only thing urging him on is the will to kill. Otis on the other hand is interested in greed and in sex.


Otis and Henry, uh, sitting in a tree? K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

Henry: Portrait of a serial kill is one of those classics of the genre that you really need to do yourself a favor and watch it. It’s a great movie even if it’ll make you feel a little less towards your fellow man after you’re done with it.


Dead

5 incestuous rapes out of 5

Disturbitude: 7, There are some pretty brutal deaths in this and despite it’s age, it still manages to get into your head. You’re never going to be the same person after you watch this, but the damage should be minimal. No therapy for me yet, though I have a feel about what’s…

Next up: Martyrs – Bear witness

P.S. You’ll understand why I say unrepentant after you watch the movie

My Year in Disrubing film: Week 7 - Happy Valentine's day

My year in disturbing film is my weekly column where I devote a few paragraphs to the most fucked up films ever made. Each week I plan on subjecting myself to the most horrific and mentally damaging imagery my mind can handle. I can't promise you this won't be the week I wind up in the hospital...

HERE is a reminder about my rating system for these films

Can you beleive we've made it 7 weeks into this thing? Let's see what special movie I picked for that special someone!
oh! A fine pick...

Irreversible – Time destroys all things

What is the movie about?
Irreversible comes from the mind of the French, who have proven time and time again that they do fucked up really well. It’s the story of a woman getting raped and her boyfriend and ex teaming up to find the man who did it. It’s told in reverse order like memento is. It’s a pretty cheap trick used to make revelations that would have been banal if it had been shown in chronological order. That doesn’t mean this is a bad movie. I think as far as actual talent is concerned this may be one of the most artful films on my list. The cast is stellar with Monica Belucci and Vincent Cassell. And the camera work and editing are phenomenal. But the big question is….

Was the film disturbing?
Irreversible has at least two scenes that will damage you, especially if you’ve never seen anything like it before. I’ll get to those in a minute though. The movie opens with the closing credits going in reverse, this is your hint that the film is backwards so you better be paying attention. This is the real way the film fucks with you. It forces you to pay attention and concentrate on the film. Of course this means that you should be watching contently when the worst shit happens. It’s a clever ploy really and I applaud the filmmakers for thinking of it.

Another thing the film does right from the get go is what I like to call the “fly on the wall” camera. The camera never really stops moving (except for one particularly brutal scene which I will mention later). The camera is constantly moving and changing subjects. I actually watched the bonus features on the disc because they discuss some of the special FX they had to employ to maintain that look throughout the film, it’s amazing really.


Glad to be a fly on THIS wall!

The first thing we see after the opening scene is that of two men, one is being brought out on a stretcher. The crowd is heckling them. Apparently they’re exiting a gay club, but we don’t know that yet. The other man is brought out in handcuffs and is put in a police car. Ok so we know something bad happened, we hear one of the police refer to it as a “blood crime”. At this point we discover that the man on the stretcher is named Marcus (Vincent Cassell, an amazing French actor). Then we’re treated to our first rewind.

Marcus is searching the club for a man called “the tenia” (based on dialog in the scene I’m to assume it’s a type of tapeworm?). After several minutes he discovers a man he believes to be the person he’s searching for and he picks a fight with him. This brings us to one of the first hard scenes to watch, thankfully it’s very quick. Some people never bother to wonder if the person they’re fighting is tougher than them, the man snaps Marcus’ arm. Now I don’t mean he just breaks his arm, He puts Marcus on the ground lays his arm flat and in the middle on his humorous (the bone in the upper section of your arm, for you out there that aren’t medically trained) he puts his knee down and SNAPS Marcus’ arm. It’s incredibly painful to watch. At this point we’re slightly better introduced to Pierre, but only slightly. He hits the man with a fire extinguisher knocking him to the floor and then proceeds to smash in his skull with said extinguisher. Now I know I kind of put that lightly, when I said he smashes in the guy’s face, I mean to say he caves in the guy’s skull. The man is not recognizable after this and it’s a pretty safe assumption he’s dead. To give you an idea what the guy’s face looked like, if you’ve ever seen the (very real) snuff film “three guys, one hammer” well his face looks a lot like that guy’s face ended up looking like (please please please do NOT look that up if you have a weak stomach, it seriously almost made me vomit and I’ve seen all manner of demented stuff). This is the second thing in the movie that is hard to watch.

The story gives you a break at this point. Through a series of rewinds you discover Marcus is the boyfriend of a woman named Alex who’s been raped and Pierre is Alex’s ex. The three of them had all been at a party together that night. We’re shown (in reverse order) how Marcus and Pierre discover Alex has been raped and how they find them self at a gay club called “the rectum” to find a man called “the Tenia”(that actually seems like the perfect place to find one).


Not pictured: A rectum or a tapeworm

The film then decides to show you the single most brutal thing you may ever see in your life. Remember back in my review of “I spit on your grave” (read it here) I told you about the extensive rape scenes and how they’re the longest ever films. This is all true, but to be honest compared to the one rape scene in irreversible, they’re downright tame. Let me give you the set up first though. Alex Decides to leave the party, she’s not with Marcus or Pierre. She’s trying to hail a cab, but has no luck so she decides to cross the street to give it a shot on the other side. Now in France they don’t really have the same traffic laws as here in ‘Merica. She is helpful told that the underpass may be safer, not really, but she doesn’t know that. As she’s crossing a pimp and his hooker start fighting and Alex unfortunately tries to get past them. The man turns his attention to Alex. One thing leads to another and before long she’s on the ground and he’s raping her, Did I mention that he was doing it anally? Oh yeah and remember when I mention that the camera constantly moves except one scene? Guess which scene it stops for? You’re forced to endure the full nine minutes of rape and beatings Alex is forced to endure. She’s left looking like a swollen bloody mess. It’s so off putting that you may shut the movie off or at least fast-forward during this scene. The amazingly gorgeous Monica Belucci plays Alex and to see someone so beautiful reduced to a quivering pile of blood and mess is heart breaking.


Utterly brutal

The film has several reverse realizations. There are several things that you become aware of as the film progresses because you know what the result is. The first of these should be during the rape scene when you realize you’ve seen the guy who’s doing the raping before. After the rape the film takes on a decidedly lighter feeling. After all, at this point now nothing bad has happened and we’re just following three people, as they get ready to go to a party. You start to get a good idea of how Alex and Marcus’ relationship is. Several facts are revealed about Alex that makes her rape even more terrifying. Alex mentions a dream she had where she was in a tunnel, the tunnel is all red and then it breaks whiles she’s walking through it. Basically she’s describing her rape, so it’s weird to see her foreseeing her own attack, but not directly. There’s also one more revelation that’s made that I won’t actually share with you. It’s this last one that makes the events of the evening that much more horrible. I’m sure you’ve already guessed it, but really you should watch the movie.


Too much?

I also found, surprisingly, that I enjoyed the film more my second viewing. I expected to like it as much as I had, but my rating for it is actually going up from before.

4 brutal rapes out of 5

Disturbitude: 9, the really screwed up scenes are pretty far from each other, but they stay with you, the images really stay with you. A tough sit

Next up: Henry: Portrait of a serial killer – Unrepentant

P.S. It’s about 10:30 at night here and I’m probably going to have bad dreams tonight, but I do it for you